a Wedding and a Funeral

My weekend was filled with 'family affairs'. My boyfriend's family, that is. On Saturday we attended his elder cousin's wedding, the bride. It was my first introduction to the important people in his family. I was hesitant to come with him but his cousins wanted to meet me. I also felt its time to meet the elders as well. I was a nervous wreck as usual! Even going to his house still gives me the jitters even if I've been there several times. We were late as traffic in Uijangbu usually never cooperates if you're in a hurry for special occasions. ;) So when we arrived at the wedding hall, the ceremony was over and they were already taking pictures. I was disappointed as it could have been my first time to witness a real wedding ceremony. Anyway, I refused to have my picture taken as I felt it's still inappropriate as it's only my first time to meet all of them. I don't know if this act is being courteous or rude. But I hope they would understand.

I was in fact overwhelmed with their hospitality. His father was the one introducing me as his son's fiance. His mom and aunts were all over me giving flattering remarks which made me more self-conscious. I just felt so bad that I couldn't respond accordingly as my Korean is below average. It's during these occasions that I would play deaf-mute and charming which is way out of my character. haha! My mother would have been so proud of me for 'holding my peace'. I remember I was always reminded as a little girl to 'behave' as I tend to lose my tact on family affairs. Anyway, it was an afternoon-full of bowing and pleasantries and yes, buffet food! I'm thankful for these Korean modern weddings with less fuss and frills. No awkward single ladies games, and long long sermons as long as the wedding trail...I'm already looking forward for our day to come too!

Sunday, I was on my way back from my class in the university when my boyfriend called. He said to come home fast as my boss' mother died who is also his father's eldest sister. I was crushed. Halmony (grandmother) was my favorite person when I arrived here in Korea. My apartment is on the same building as my boss' house. And she lived with them until she got very ill last year. She was unable to go up the third floor so she transferred in her son's house which is just across the street. I believe she had a heart bypass surgery twice and is already very weak. She was in and out of the hospital for sometime and two weeks ago the family was already "informed". I felt so sorry upon hearing that but last week she got better. She came out of the hospital and she looked fine they said. But Sunday afternoon, after receiving some visitors, she suddenly fell on the floor. They rushed her in the hospital which is only about 15 minutes from us, also in Uijangbu but she didn't make it.

Halmony was very kind to me in particular, among the other teachers. She would often knock on my door on early mornings to offer some food. She would say "yummy, yummy" as she thought that meant food! :) She would usually say some kind remarks everytime she sees me like I really understood them followed with a bap mogu? (meaning have you eaten rice? this greeting goes way back during Korea's days of war and famine) When she knew about my relationship with her nephew I expected her to be disappointed, as most of the elders were not open about us. In fact, there was a time when I felt that she was the only one who approved of me. She was very supportive of us as I heard from my boyfriend that she called his mother once and told her to let us be. I would understand the hesitation on his family's part but even with my eyes and mind wide open, I couldn't help feeling hurt. Apart from the kimchi and side dishes she would give me every so often, I owe to her the "gift of acceptance" in their family.

We went to the mortuary last night which was also set up at the basement of the the hospital. Unlike the western style services where people are allowed to see the dead, only a picture is shown as I learned the body is not embalmed. Here the guests can offer flowers, light an incense, offer monetary gifts and bow down. As I bowed down to pay my final respects to her all the wonderful memories of her flashed back to me and I couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears. But nothing compares to the sorrow of the family who were also present during the wedding the day before. I can see the irony of it all. The aunts hair were no longer neatly coiffed and their makeup all smudged. The men who were still having a soju hangover from the previous affair were still here, drinking but out of mourn. The elaborate banquet was replaced with simple home-cooked dishes. And there I was, still deaf-mute but with tears running down my face.