For L.S.C.

These are the things that I adore about you. The list is endless…I’ll add some more everytime... But as of now, here they are:

latest update: July 1, 2009

77. Seeing you take care of other people's children.

76. Sharing a secret only us (and a few) know!

75. For fulfilling my little girl's dream of getting married.

74. Your most sincere smile...how could I forget?

73. For being my BFF! ^^

72. For truly being my 'knight' as you say.

71. Just for being here when I needed you most.

70. For making my stress load way much lighter.

69. For being a good listener to all my woes and complaints.

68. Spending Christmas together for the first time.

67. The sweet little surprises you manage to give me at odd hours and times!

66. For subtly (and usually harshly) correcting my mistakes.

65. The way we imagine our future together.

64. For forgiving my selfish, bratty (b*tch*) ways.

63. Meeting your parents for the first time and they showed me such genuine warmth.

62. Still loving me truthfully, honestly and sincerely for a year now.

61. Discovering that little country boy in you!

60. Seeing you care so much for other people.

59. Your weird sense of humor that comes out before I go to sleep! grrr...

58. Cooking for me or asking someone to cook for me. hehe!

57. Seeing your face getting a little chubby. (means that somebody loves you! ^^)

56. Eating take-out food together.

55. Your hugs that erase all my fears and pains.

54. For just being by my side when I'm sick or down.

53. For putting up with my complicated self.

52. For just making me smile for no reason.

51. For appreciating and loving the food I cooked.

50. Finding out your dirty habits, but still loving you endlessly. (why oh why?!)

49. Learning new things about you, good or bad.

48. Accompanying me when grocery shopping.

47. Being a good Korean language teacher (!?)

46. Being together in the mountains. ^^

45. For eating my leftover food.

44. For holding my hand even while you drive.

43. Watching you drive.

42. When you try so hard not to miss me, but you still do. Ha!

41. For trying to win me over after our little fights.

40. For simply appreciating everything I say or do.

39. The sexy way you adjust your glasses. (darling, don't take them off!)

38. When you sometimes pretend to be a dashing Prince Charming from a Korean drama.

38. When you're playing that the phone's dead, or with static, or no signal! (roger...over!)

37. The way you "don't react" when somebody's listening to our phone conversations!

36. The way you laugh and react when we talk on the phone.

35. Darling, sometimes words are simply not enough. I am just so HAPPY!

34. For inspiring me to be a better person or a better partner.

33. For including me in your dreams and in your future.

32. Just for understanding everything.

31. For listening and remembering every sensible or non-sensible details I tell you.

30. Whenever you call me at unexpected times. Or for answering my calls!

29. For assuring me that our love will have its perfect place and time, someday...

28. For making me feel I'm the luckiest person because I have you.

27. For all your efforts, big or small, just to make me feel happy or comfortable.

26. For giving me strength when I really need it.

25. When you told me to just hang on because you will never go.

24. The way I used to make you blush. (but now no more! ^^)

23. The fact that you are athletic which compliments my sluggishness. :)

22. Your being health conscious which compensates my lack of it.

21. Your being way taller than I am.

20. For just loving me in my best and worst days.

19. The way you call my name.

18. The fact that you like kids, like I do.

17. When I see you being responsible and taking charge.

16. For doing your best in texting me things that you thought I might find cute. (but usually not!)

15. When you come to my place at unexpected times.

14. For making me believe in romance again, and telling me to stop and smell the flowers sometimes.

13. The way you make me feel special, every single day.

12. When surprisingly, you believed that there is a God even if you are agnostic.

11. When you whisper sweet words to me in your language.

10. When you thought I was beautiful and smart but I know I’m not. (well, not really!)

9. When unexpectedly you are familiar with a song or singer that I thought you weren’t.

8. For making me appreciate sentimental love songs again.

7. When unexpectedly, you’ve watched the same movies that I saw before.

6. When we realize that we have a lot in common than we thought.

5. When you make me laugh like crazy, it can almost lock my jaw.

4. For making me cry happy tears.

3. For providing your strong arms when I cry or if I feel like crying.

2. When you hold my hand every chance you can get.

1. The way you kiss me. Sloppy in the beginning but later turned out to be really wonderful.

Dear...

I’m scared of how things are progressing the past days. It is quite overwhelming. I haven’t felt this way for awhile and I’m scared. Somehow, it felt right. I’m happy but cautious all the more. I don’t know if I could trust you or trust myself and give in to what I’m feeling. I’m scared of maybe falling for you. Then again, it feels right and seems at the right time too. I just hope we won’t make the wrong decision. It would be a serious thing for both of us. We are the unlucky ones, remember?

I know deep inside that I will not make a wrong decision if I truly surrender to what I’m feeling for you. I don’t know you very well. And we belong to different worlds. I just wish we could be open into accepting each other without prior judgment or from the people around us. It won’t be easy. I want to trust you, too.

Maybe you’re feeling the same way. But you made it seem so easy. We’re not too young but somehow emotionally, we are still immature. We’re somehow the perfect match yet that’s frightening me too. Are we strong enough as we think we are? Or are we just thinking that?

But, now I know deep down that I don’t want to lose you. I hope you feel the same way. But I want to guard myself because maybe our feelings won’t last long. Maybe it’s just out of emptiness that we’ve found each other. Are we ready to fight for what we have at the moment? Or are we just maybe excited of this newfound feeling? Are we really in love? Can we fight and stand by each other if we get out of the real world? Are you ready to accept me for what I really am? Are we ready to give up our easy, uncomplicated lives?

I’m asking myself these because I suddenly felt that you could be the one. And I want you to be that. But at the back of my mind I’m thinking that you just wanted somebody on the sidelines. Somebody to help you out or cheer on you. I know you have bigger plans for yourself yet I don’t know if that includes me too. I just hope we could understand each other despite many barriers. I just wish you could erase all my questions and insecurities. I hope we’re ready for what lies ahead.

30 going on 13

It's ironic that while getting older and truly pushing myself to be of age, the more I go way, way backwards. By now I should be dealing with pure grownup stuff eg. loans, taxes, mortgages, career advancement. Or my New Yorker fantasy like adapting a new-age lifestyle, my own bohemian apartment, a non-pseudo relationship or even yes, a marriage. Instead, lately I am surrounding myself with pre-pubescent dramas.

Teaching kids for almost a year now is truly a paradigm shift. This is not just classroom training but even a bedroom and household experience because I get to live with them. It's like having kids of my own since I have a big responsibility for their so-called well-being. The only thing lacking is the real mother-child "connection".

For starters we don't speak the same language. This is in the literal sense because they are Korean kids. Yep, I'm their San-seng-nim (teacher). Their childhood is a little hard to relate to. While my favorite childhood food was dirty ice cream, Chippy and Maggi instant noodles, their comfort food is korean (damn-spicy-hot!) ramen, gochuchang and kimchi of course!

The joy of teaching these adorable children every 2 months begins from the time they arrive. While moms give birth in the hospital, our first encounter would be in the airport. All smiles and all excited, they arrive in their stylish Korean fashion. Colorful windbreakers, bonnets, baseball caps and winter coats. They look like pages in Baby Gap catalogues or Guess Kids.

The second logical thing to do is for parents to decide what should they call their offspring. While their biological parents gave them 3 syllable names (this already includes the surname btw!) we give them cute American sounding names. This could range from the most common like Harry or John, to the Filipino sounding like Fatima or Cynthia and even the absurd names like Fire or David Beckham!

In the classroom lies the true test. Teaching them to read and write the basic, simplest English ever known could be so exhausting. Unlike in the Philippines where English is the second language, even telling them to Sit or Stand is still a task. And yes, every ESL for Korean teacher can relate to the -ishe syndrome. Finishe lunche? Get it?

As a parent you can give yourself a pat at the back when you see your kids turn out not-so-bad like you had been. Well, my happiness is when I see and hear the kids finally talking, understanding and even fighting in English. I can yell at them to "Be quiet!" and they get scared. Or when I tell them to get a pen and they ask "Which color?" Such bliss!

But then, after sometime they will realize they have lives of their own. They had to expand and lead their own lives. As any doting mom or guardian all you had to do is let go. Korean children can definitely teach Filipino kids lessons on respect and love. These kids are very emotional and expressive.

Letting go every two months is an emotional burden but I learned to be strong. The trip back to the airport would be their last teary glance at the country. I hope someday they would remember all the wonderful things we've shared. And maybe go back here and once more say "Ahnyong ase-yo!"

Well life is a cycle. Time to get ready for the next term! :)