What's a Meantime Girl?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend.
She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One." You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.
But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her.
She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.
It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair.
You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room.
But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry too. A lot. And someday we won't be around.
6 comments:
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Youre description is very touching. I used to have a friend like that. Once she got real drunk and confronted me about it, asked why I never used her for more than a shoulder to cry on. I explained as honestly, yet diplomatically as I could - I was pretty clumsy about it but I think I was able to explain that I didn't want sex to ruin the friendship that we had.
There is something special about a close, platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I liked to think of her as my sister with whom I felt comfortable being honest because there were no ulterior motives. My impression was that sex puts expectations and jealousies into the relationship that change the quality of the communication. I was a single father of 2 young boys at the time and I liked having a woman in my sons' lives who wouldn't disappear because we broke up.
We stayed friends for years after that but eventually she married and moved to Spain where she lived in an old water-driven mill for a couple years. I eventually saw her again when she returned to Tucson, met her husband and had fun playing backgammon with him. But even though we've drifted apart I don't regret the friendship that I really enjoyed. I don't know how things would have turned out if I had allowed myself to get romantically involved with her. I do know that I cherish the friendship that we had; and I think it served as a good example to my then young sons that there are things that men and women do together that don't involve undressing.
i'm curious...have you been a meantime girl? how many times?
Anonymous,
haha..really got me thinking there! i must say several times on several occasions too. it's both funny and hard to admit it though. well, it's even harder to find real people.
Thanks for reading and the comment :)
really? goodness, was it tough? i mean did you cry over it? was it as hard as having a failed "real" relationship?
well u may say so. but unlike a real relationship, the hurt is all one-sided. and i'm the unlucky one :)
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