Happy Birthday ne sarang...

Happy Birthday, yobo! Remember this night?


Now it's my turn to say that "I love you!"

Loving you is my greatest gift. From this time...

Until now...

always and forever.

Cheers to all the good and not so good times!
Till the next birthdays and celebrations.
I hope we will always spend them all together.

I'm forever yours, Saranghe.

Where I should be

So far I'm catching up pretty well with what's ahead of me. I started my graduate classes first week of March in Sahmyook University in Seoul. I'm doing my masters on Public Health. A very broad and highly interesting subject. I'm taking 3 courses this term. They are Introduction to Public Health, Advanced Massage Class, and Stress Management. They aren't too much since the classes are only on Sundays. Well, except for the tons of homework and waking up early on a Sunday is a drag.

Sometimes the changes can still blow me away that it's just too overwhelming. Before when life was routinary and redundant, I would complain about stagnation. It frightens me sometimes to look back and think that it will happen again. I remember many times sitting alone in Starbucks 2-3 years ago, smoking my lungs out and thinking what life will still offer me. Is this all there is to it? A mundane job that I couldn't afford to quit, me a little speck in this big city. Nothing amused me anymore. I wanted to do something else but I didn't know what. And there was no opportunity to do anything. Or I didn't try harder cause I was too busy trying to be successful with a job that I hated. But it was my comfort zone. I lived for it that it's too close for comfort any longer. I was bored to death. I literally wished a bomb would fall down from the heavens to stir my emotions.

I guess God answered my prayer. Not literally though. I managed to quit my job of 3 years. It wasn't the wisest thing to do at that time but I was happy. Relieved, much like it. After a few months my friend Dee called from Korea to offer a job to teach ESL to kids funded by a non-profit group from Korea. It wasn't the high power job I was dreaming but oh well, money is running out. I met up with my bosses in Alabang. It was too much of a hassle in the beginning traveling back and forth from Pasig where I lived. And the money wasn't that good. But I persevered anyway. I was still in that stage where I was looking for my so-called direction. And I was thinking, maybe this was the change that I was waiting for. A month passed and another. I was in love. I adored my new job, my new role. And the kids loved me, (I suppose ;)). The children's smiles and affection healed me and brought back my self- esteem. It was indeed the 'bomb' I was hoping for. I mentioned in my previous blog about this experience as my paradigm shift.

A year later I met him. It wasn't love at first sight and certainly unexpected. It was something that blossomed at the right place and time. It's hard to believe sometimes that two people from different worlds and backgrounds could just click. We could just talk for hours and hours, never mind the language barrier. Sometimes I would feel that I don't deserve this newfound feeling of being loved. But you have to accept love to be able to give love. We sure have our own differences that we are still working on. But whatever happens, I will always be thankful and proud of this relationship. I just wish things will all fall into place someday soon. Until then, I can't ask for more.

For L.S.C.

These are the things that I adore about you. The list is endless…I’ll add some more everytime... But as of now, here they are:

latest update: July 1, 2009

77. Seeing you take care of other people's children.

76. Sharing a secret only us (and a few) know!

75. For fulfilling my little girl's dream of getting married.

74. Your most sincere smile...how could I forget?

73. For being my BFF! ^^

72. For truly being my 'knight' as you say.

71. Just for being here when I needed you most.

70. For making my stress load way much lighter.

69. For being a good listener to all my woes and complaints.

68. Spending Christmas together for the first time.

67. The sweet little surprises you manage to give me at odd hours and times!

66. For subtly (and usually harshly) correcting my mistakes.

65. The way we imagine our future together.

64. For forgiving my selfish, bratty (b*tch*) ways.

63. Meeting your parents for the first time and they showed me such genuine warmth.

62. Still loving me truthfully, honestly and sincerely for a year now.

61. Discovering that little country boy in you!

60. Seeing you care so much for other people.

59. Your weird sense of humor that comes out before I go to sleep! grrr...

58. Cooking for me or asking someone to cook for me. hehe!

57. Seeing your face getting a little chubby. (means that somebody loves you! ^^)

56. Eating take-out food together.

55. Your hugs that erase all my fears and pains.

54. For just being by my side when I'm sick or down.

53. For putting up with my complicated self.

52. For just making me smile for no reason.

51. For appreciating and loving the food I cooked.

50. Finding out your dirty habits, but still loving you endlessly. (why oh why?!)

49. Learning new things about you, good or bad.

48. Accompanying me when grocery shopping.

47. Being a good Korean language teacher (!?)

46. Being together in the mountains. ^^

45. For eating my leftover food.

44. For holding my hand even while you drive.

43. Watching you drive.

42. When you try so hard not to miss me, but you still do. Ha!

41. For trying to win me over after our little fights.

40. For simply appreciating everything I say or do.

39. The sexy way you adjust your glasses. (darling, don't take them off!)

38. When you sometimes pretend to be a dashing Prince Charming from a Korean drama.

38. When you're playing that the phone's dead, or with static, or no signal! (roger...over!)

37. The way you "don't react" when somebody's listening to our phone conversations!

36. The way you laugh and react when we talk on the phone.

35. Darling, sometimes words are simply not enough. I am just so HAPPY!

34. For inspiring me to be a better person or a better partner.

33. For including me in your dreams and in your future.

32. Just for understanding everything.

31. For listening and remembering every sensible or non-sensible details I tell you.

30. Whenever you call me at unexpected times. Or for answering my calls!

29. For assuring me that our love will have its perfect place and time, someday...

28. For making me feel I'm the luckiest person because I have you.

27. For all your efforts, big or small, just to make me feel happy or comfortable.

26. For giving me strength when I really need it.

25. When you told me to just hang on because you will never go.

24. The way I used to make you blush. (but now no more! ^^)

23. The fact that you are athletic which compliments my sluggishness. :)

22. Your being health conscious which compensates my lack of it.

21. Your being way taller than I am.

20. For just loving me in my best and worst days.

19. The way you call my name.

18. The fact that you like kids, like I do.

17. When I see you being responsible and taking charge.

16. For doing your best in texting me things that you thought I might find cute. (but usually not!)

15. When you come to my place at unexpected times.

14. For making me believe in romance again, and telling me to stop and smell the flowers sometimes.

13. The way you make me feel special, every single day.

12. When surprisingly, you believed that there is a God even if you are agnostic.

11. When you whisper sweet words to me in your language.

10. When you thought I was beautiful and smart but I know I’m not. (well, not really!)

9. When unexpectedly you are familiar with a song or singer that I thought you weren’t.

8. For making me appreciate sentimental love songs again.

7. When unexpectedly, you’ve watched the same movies that I saw before.

6. When we realize that we have a lot in common than we thought.

5. When you make me laugh like crazy, it can almost lock my jaw.

4. For making me cry happy tears.

3. For providing your strong arms when I cry or if I feel like crying.

2. When you hold my hand every chance you can get.

1. The way you kiss me. Sloppy in the beginning but later turned out to be really wonderful.

Dear...

I’m scared of how things are progressing the past days. It is quite overwhelming. I haven’t felt this way for awhile and I’m scared. Somehow, it felt right. I’m happy but cautious all the more. I don’t know if I could trust you or trust myself and give in to what I’m feeling. I’m scared of maybe falling for you. Then again, it feels right and seems at the right time too. I just hope we won’t make the wrong decision. It would be a serious thing for both of us. We are the unlucky ones, remember?

I know deep inside that I will not make a wrong decision if I truly surrender to what I’m feeling for you. I don’t know you very well. And we belong to different worlds. I just wish we could be open into accepting each other without prior judgment or from the people around us. It won’t be easy. I want to trust you, too.

Maybe you’re feeling the same way. But you made it seem so easy. We’re not too young but somehow emotionally, we are still immature. We’re somehow the perfect match yet that’s frightening me too. Are we strong enough as we think we are? Or are we just thinking that?

But, now I know deep down that I don’t want to lose you. I hope you feel the same way. But I want to guard myself because maybe our feelings won’t last long. Maybe it’s just out of emptiness that we’ve found each other. Are we ready to fight for what we have at the moment? Or are we just maybe excited of this newfound feeling? Are we really in love? Can we fight and stand by each other if we get out of the real world? Are you ready to accept me for what I really am? Are we ready to give up our easy, uncomplicated lives?

I’m asking myself these because I suddenly felt that you could be the one. And I want you to be that. But at the back of my mind I’m thinking that you just wanted somebody on the sidelines. Somebody to help you out or cheer on you. I know you have bigger plans for yourself yet I don’t know if that includes me too. I just hope we could understand each other despite many barriers. I just wish you could erase all my questions and insecurities. I hope we’re ready for what lies ahead.